Tag Archive | missing

The Dumaguete Escapade

That week, it was wonderful. That week, I was lying on the grass, getting caught in the rain, sitting on a balcony with my feet up beside yours. I was listening to music beside a sunlit pond and laughing in the dark at something only the two of us understood. You were here. We took two thousand photographs and made a lot more memories, and it still wasn’t enough. Only seven days. The time went by too fast.

Now this city has our mark on it, and with you gone, I see it everywhere. That sidewalk where I almost fell down laughing from that hilarious story you told. That restaurant we went to when you arrived and just before you left. That cozy café that was so comfortable we both fell asleep on the cushions. That field where I watched you play frisbee through the camera lens. That bench where we sat and watched the ocean at night. That lily pool where you took a ridiculous amount of frog pictures. Even now, this place still echoes with our footsteps and laughter. I have a feeling it always will.

Some people don’t believe that you can love someone this much without being “in love” with them. But I have been in and out of love before, and this is different. This is unique. No roller coaster ride, no heartbreak, just the steady assurance of knowing we have a place in each other’s lives. It’s simple and easy — and it’s enough for both of us. It’s perfect.

I miss you. But that’s okay. In a few months, in the city we both love most and call home, I will see you soon. 🙂


Two friends. One city. Seven days.



Day 15 — The people you miss the most

The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. ~ Elisabeth Foley

To my crazy, wonderful friends known as the Psychz,

There’s something about old friends that sets them apart, something that makes that bond so strong that it eventually  becomes an irrevocable part of a person’s identity. It’s more than just nostalgia for the good old days. Rather, it’s the truth that caring unreservedly about someone, without the precautions that growing up will eventually teach, makes an indelible mark on the soul. Time, and the marks that other people will inevitably make, cannot erase it or cover it up. That’s how I’ve always felt about you guys. There’s a part of me, one of the best parts, that’s defined by what we shared all those years ago.

With the uncertainty surrounding me now, I find myself wishing I could revisit those simpler, more carefree years with you. I want to see Jireh rocking with his earphones again, and Gino working on another incredible drawing, and Irish Jay finishing the physics exam in half the time. I want to watch Seneca tie her hair in a ponytail, the simple act becoming an exhibition of feminine grace. I even miss the sight of Jemar practicing his martial arts moves, and Ate Jhay scolding us for being too loud, and Johnard teasing Marivic endlessly. There are more memories in my heart than I can recount, each one of them precious. No matter where I go, you have always been the most colorful, fascinating people I have ever known.

Yet as clearly as I can see those images in my mind, I also know that they are no longer a perfect reflection of reality. All of us — whether in big or small ways — have changed, and some of the most significant transformations are also the most subtle. So I miss you all the more, because I want to see how you’ve grown. I want to get to know the people you’ve become, and love the new version of you. And in a way, perhaps I am also seeking a better idea of who I am now through your eyes.  Perhaps I also need to discover if you can love the person I turned out to be.

I miss you. I miss us. And no matter how much time has gone by, there will always be a part of me that’s counting the days until I can see you again.

Love, always,



Caffeine Buzz

Coffee shops are made for reminiscing. So I sit here, inhaling the fragrant steam from the cup in my hands, and think about our recent goodbye. About the casual hug and the even more casual “You take care of yourself, okay?” About you disappearing into the crowd, with neither of us knowing when you’d be back.

The intensity of missing you surprises me right now.

It’s the strangest thing. Did you know coffee doesn’t taste the same without you?

And rain doesn’t feel the same. Newly-cut grass smells different, too.

I look around, and you’re everywhere. That book you loved. The pasta we shared. That sidewalk we strolled on one midnight when we seemed to never run out of things to talk about. It’s disorienting, like you’ve reordered my world — and  it keeps you close to me and underscores the distance at the same time.

I miss you already. Think of me where you are.

(I wrote this ages ago, but it felt too raw to post immediately. Don’t bother guessing who it’s for — a little mystery is good for the soul. 😉 )


On Longing (Or: My Sentiments Exactly)

Fatima went back to her tent, and, when daylight came, she went out to do the chores she had done for years. But everything had changed. The boy was no longer at the oasis, and the oasis would never again have the same meaning it had only yesterday. It would no longer be a place with fifty thousand palm trees and three hundred wells, where the pilgrims arrived, relieved at the end of their long journeys. From that day on, the oasis would be an empty place for her.From that day on, it was the desert that would be important…. From that day on, the desert would represent only one thing to her: the hope of his return.

Paolo Coelho in The Alchemist



I think of you when it rains. I think of your laughter piercing the sweet sharp coolness of the air as we walk and talk under the cold, clear, rainwashed stars. I see it all again – the wet pavement reflecting the glow from the lightposts, the drenched, dark acacia trees beside the empty, silent road, the ethereal softness of mist rising off grass soaked with diamonds. But most of all, I see you. And I see myself as I wish I could be right now – beside you.

I miss you most after it rains.

***for Ella and Bum =)