Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

How will it feel, I wonder, to smile for you? ~ from After Sunrise


To the one searching for me,

Are you good at storming walls? I am surrounded by them, and they are tall and resilient. They are not to be breached by passive men, men whose hearts are uncertain, those who always take the easier way. Only a man familiar with risk and unafraid of failure stands a chance.  Are you such a man?

There have been those who tried, even some who got in. But they proved to be thieves, and took too much that I could not afford to lose. Because of them, the defenses are stronger now, and more subtle. There is too much at stake, too much that is fragile, to make any more mistakes. And yet…and yet, I still long to be found.

No, I am not a stereotypical damsel in need of salvation — do not bother putting that armor on. These walls are built with more than just stone or cement. You cannot see them, for I am good at pretending I am free, that there are no obstacles between us. It is one of my best defenses, and if you believe it, then you will never get in. And oh, how I ache for you to get in. I need you more than I dare let you know.

I need you to show me that I am worth fighting for. That even behind these walls, I am seen, and desired, and chosen. Chosen despite the dichotomy that pervades me and makes me both eager and afraid to let you in.

And you need me, too. I have all this tenderness waiting inside me, waiting to be lavished on someone who’ll know what it’s worth, who’ll know what chains had to be broken to open even one door. I may have hurt you in trying to keep you out, but set me free, and I can heal you as well. You can rest in my arms, and I will give you everything that I have been saving for this moment, when I can put my guard down and simply trust. I will love you as I have longed to love you since you looked at me and saw the hope behind the fear.

My only question is this: Are you good at storming walls?

Waiting,

The one for you


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4 thoughts on “Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

  1. Hi Abigail.
    I reposted this article on my site, I hope you don’t mind.
    You have your own way with words, and I like your style. I can relate to some, if not most of your entries, especially those about your ‘walls’ and trust issues. 🙂
    It’s Kristeen. I am not sure if you remember me, but we once traveled together for RSPC in Lipa- elementary days. The internet is still such a small world, as I was able to stumble upon your site.

    Hope all’s well. More power to you and your writing!

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