There’s something you need to know before you love someone with bipolar disorder

There are walls around me, walls that keep you out, and I am afraid that you might breach them. But I am also afraid that you wouldn’t even try. To me, you are invader and rescuer at the same time — a dichotomy as confusing as almost everything else in my life. Can you accept this ambivalence inside me, though it is completely alien to you? Can you accept that nothing that involves me is black-and-white, only shades of gray that shift from dark to light with the seasons? Can you watch me give an incredibly convincing performance of happiness and yet believe me when I tell you that I am shattered inside?

I understand that this is too much to ask of anyone, and so I do not. All I ask is that if your answer is no, then leave my walls alone. They are my prison but also my protection, not a challenge for you to overcome. There is more at stake here than you can understand. But if your answer is yes, then you must know now that sooner or later, I am going to hurt you. I do not want to, I do not mean to, but it will happen. The walls are not breached so easily. Forgive me for this, and know that every hurt I cause is a lash against my own heart. And please, if you can, keep trying. Believe it or not, I ache for you to get in.



10 thoughts on “There’s something you need to know before you love someone with bipolar disorder

      • u know wat, ive read your work evenstarwen & dennis… but not from ur own blogsites..

        it was posted on “some guy’s” blog who was bitching about his anger dat ppl are posting his so-called works in someone else’s blog..

        i checked out d dates.. his was always posted a day after u guys posts yours.. i checked today and his blog no longer exists.. i guess we all know now dat he’s d one stealing someone else’s posts and not as he was accusing everyone about on his blog..

        here are some of the titles dat he ddnt even bother changing… ur blogs turned up wen i tried to search the titles of “his” posts..


        – THE BOY WITH NO HAPPY ENDING posted JULY 8, 2010 @ 7:23 AM

        – CAFFEINE BUZZ posted JULY 2, 2010 @ 12:07 AM

        • Oh my gosh, really?! I never thought to google my recent posts to see if they turned up somewhere else. I have no problem with sharing, just as long as credit is given, but plagiarism is another matter. Thank you so much for checking and not just taking him at his word. I have no idea what to do to keep that from happening again.

  1. no, i was actually convinced that he wrote it. he’s pretty good at writing too, although there’s no way of knowing if this was d case.. anyways.. hopefully my blog posts wont show up on some wannabe’s pages…

    • This isn’t the first time that it’s happened, although the other time wasn’t so surprising since I submitted to an online mag, and they plagiarized from there. I hope there could be an easier and more foolproof way to protect online intellectual rights soon. But as for now, I guess the only proof that I’m the original writer is for someone to look through my blog and see that I’ve always been consistent with my writing style. Other than that, I don’t know.

  2. Wow , first of all I wanted to say what an amazing post. I was in a relationship with someone who had bipolar and this rang true on so many levels that it made me cry!
    As for being plagiarized… that is just awful. As the illustrator of ‘The Boy With No Happy Ending ‘ it’s so utterly annoying.
    Very much enjoy your blog cand will pop by againg soon.

    Kate x

    • Kate and Dennis,

      I know. I wish there was something we could do about it. Kate, thanks for the compliment. Your work is amazing! I’m a fan of both you and Dennis, so I really love that you appreciate my blog. Thanks!

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